Some parting thoughts on Colombia

It's about 230AM here and I have insomnia. Thoughts are filling my head and I can't sleep. I guess it's time to write them down.

I'm sad to be leaving this place and happy to be going home all at the same time. There is a finality to this trip that is weighing heavy on my heart. We are done with adoption. No more paperwork, fingerprints, psych evals, physicals, HIV testing, tracking paperwork, updating paperwork, redoing paperwork. And the waiting....These things have consumed my life for the better part of 5 years. Don't misunderstand me. It's all been worth every ounce of energy expended! But it's an odd feeling to be done with it all. I wish I had it in me for another adoption. But I don't. I'm exhausted. (Maybe that has something to do with a family of 4 with a new baby being in Colombia for almost 6 weeks in a 12 x 12 room?) When people ask me how many kids I want I've always said it depends on who you ask, Kurt or me. Kurts has always said 2 and I've always said 3. I wish I could turn back the clock to do some things differently, meet Kurt earlier in my life, let go of a dream to have biological children with my husband faster, start adoption plans sooner. You get the idea. But that is not my life. If things would of happened sooner or later it would not be Kurt, Lucy or Mateo. I wouldn't change that for anything in the whole wide world. But what I do yearn for is youth. I wish I was younger. Not only have we aged out of the Colombia adoption program but I am exhausted from all of this emotionally and physically. We waited for Lucy for 9 mos. We waited for Mateo for almost 3 years. If I add in all the time spent on trying to have a biological family before that it would be 8 years.

But then again...we could get a call down the road that one of our children has a biological sibling waiting for us and my heart would leap with joy at the thought of it and we would gladly start the paperchase all over again.

I hesitate to share these feelings because I don't want to scare off some random person thinking about adopting. But this seems to be the trend now with international adoption, longer wait times while children still languish in orphanage care. But that is a whole other story. Onto a brighter topic. Let's chat about my home away from home.

Colombia, the beauty of it's landscape, it's people, the food, has gotten into my blood. It is an amazing place to behold with my eyes and my heart. It is a safe place to visit. Not only is it my children's birthplace, it also feels like home to me. I have such a special afinity for this place I find it hard to put into words. I've met so many wonderful people that have touched my heart in my 2 trips here, the experience unique and special. Each time I've encountered someone new there is a story about a place in Colombia that I must see next. My bucket list is getting long! So...I know that we will be back just not for adoption. We will be vacationers, or maybe more like a Colombian Americans family coming home after a few years away.

A new chapter awaits. Thanks. I'm off my soapbox now. Feel better and tired now so I'm going to go back to bed.
Smooch
PK